Experiencing life and the world with an Open Mind, Open Heart, and Open Smile! :)

2012-02-03T23:52:00.001+08:00

You cannot add more tea to a cup that is already full.

To unlearn things that I have learned,
To empty my cup..
such experienced, realized, and learned today, I have.

Realized how much it was of an arrogance, looking back.
How can I claim to know? How can I know?
Who could have claimed to have a grasp on the truth?

2012-01-12T20:00:00.001+08:00

Top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed.

By Bronnie Ware (who worked for years nursing the dying)

Chapter 14.1: Who 'in their right mind' would choose suffering by choice?

2012-01-11T18:46:00.000+08:00

"We are dedicated to the defense of rights of individuals to free and truthful life.
In other words, our passion is liberty.
Passion translates as suffering.
And I would contend, in the political context as in the religious one, it implies suffering by choice.
A deliberate decision to grasp the cup that we would rather let pass. It is not a decision made lightly.
We do not enjoy suffering, we are not masochists.
It is because of the high value we put on the object of our passion that we are able, in spite of ourselves, to choose suffering."

I concur wholeheartedly with what she has to say; I apprehend.
I understand the backlash of passion (as with any form of attachment), and the sacrifices that needs to be made.
Still, I made a deliberate decision.

That deliberate decision started the night before Bersih - to go, or not to go.
I've watched Bersih 2007 plenty times before. I have mentally prepared myself for the worst.
I visualized that I might get kicked, punched, and beaten up badly that I might lose my limbs for the rest of my life, etc. I might get arrested, and get locked up in the jail for an indefinite period of time. I might be one of the few people (~10 people) who were there in our yellow shirt.
Going means risking my life, and my freedom.
After all that visualization, I asked myself if I would accept the worst of such consequences like death or being disabled for the rest of my life.
I answered yes. I will accept such consequences if it happens.
[No, I have never participated in a demonstration.
In fact, I was at a point of life where I was about to live the 'monastic' way - accepting that personal transformation was the only real way I could change the world, and to focus very much internally. I doubted if any demonstration will achieve anything.]
So my plan during Bersih was actually to sit down and meditate in front of the police or army forces for an hour.
I will be there - alone or not - to stand for my own values.
(Again, having laid out the 4 reasons I live my life for, years go, helps. I will try, to the best I can, to stay true to this - to stay true to myself. If I die doing what I live for, then what did I lose? (You don't lose what you don't cling to) Then, I may also well say, "My life was worth it. I lived for my values - won't cower to threats against my values/living purpose; never was a day less than 100%. I lived and leave without regrets. And, not forgetting I will smile before my last breath. What is it that you're sad for me?")

[It helps that I think about death pretty early in life. 17?]

Chapter 14: Politics

2012-01-05T18:32:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I think, thanks to categorization to simplify the understanding of knowledge, we are oversimplifying and misunderstanding things. (Yes, it helps our understanding to a certain extend; maybe it helps us to understand half the truth, but 50% is mediocre.)
Labeling and categorizing things makes us see knowledge and matters as discrete - science, economics, philosophy, politics, you, me, her, they, etc.

I think, the other half of the truth lies in the context, the relatives, or the interconnections.
“In the sky, there is no distinction of east and west; people create distinctions out of their own minds and then believe them to be true.”
East is only east because of west - to the west of it.

Since people often ask me why I am "involved in Politics", I will hereby explain and examine this matter.
Can we actually say "I don't care about Politics?"
Yes, you can; but that would be impossible. (Since, everything affects & is interconnected to one another. Politics, moreso.) Unless, you sincerely do not care about the hole in the roads, your Education, your safety, your life, your money (lost to corruption), your family's well being/life, or you've achieved such a Zen state that nothing can ever bug or affect you. In that case, I'll have to either pay my highest respect to you, or stop to wonder what has become of you?

Friend

Hey there. U r quite the activist arent u?

Chapter 13: Education

2012-01-04T04:19:00.000+08:00

Many people often ask me why I decided to drop out from college (not that I was failing, I was on the Dean's List of a World #10 School for International Relations undergrad; World #8 for Masters and was one of the few international students - if any - awarded with a Leadership Award Scholarship). They also asked why I decided to self-study. :)
Here's the unrefined "Why I dropped out", off the top of my head:

Chapter 12: Beauty.

2012-01-04T01:53:00.001+08:00

There was a day where I saw an advertisement for Personal Image Branding & Consulting workshop in Bangsar. The workshop - which includes make up classes - boasts that attending it would boost self-confidence. I could not disagree further.
If anything, I think that make up makes a person less confident.
Has anyone really thought of the implicit implication to their ego and "being"? (In comparison, the implication of applying all these chemicals to our skin becomes quite minuscule 1 A blind allegiance and focus on the tangibles with a complete disregard of the intangibles breed ignorance and suffering - without one even realizing why one's suffering.)
How can a person be more confident when they don't even love themselves for who they are - as they are?

I beg to digress.
I accept that I have dark eye circles, wrinkles, and I don't have flawless skin. The list goes on.
Regardless, I will love, accept, and take good care of myself.

"You, yourself, as much as anybody else in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."
“Love yourself—accept yourself—forgive yourself—and be good to yourself, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things.”

I interpret it as if you spend all your time drilling over your "self" how you look etc etc, and forget about giving and helping others; really, you will only devise your own demise and misery. You will never feel good that way - maybe only as long as your 'mask' is on. And, is that even a real good feeling?

Chapter 11: People Empowerment

2012-01-04T01:11:00.002+08:00

So, I was recently asked by a friend for a reply on this: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150451719566263&set=a.10150107120786263.278614.717236262&type=1&theater

Alven Loh Hong Ping

Malaysian, any comment on this post? (don’t attack or fighting, this is only one of the example that how people laugh at us on doing this, how can we handle and explain to them better?)

Vienna Looi
If you ask me, the purpose and focus of our gathering is not even on the government, but on the people.
We want to educate, activate, and empower the people.

A government is only a mirror of its people. (Their attitude etc. Ie: If the people only talk and talk and talk and don't do anything, the government will also only talk and talk and talk and don't do anything. If the people don't care, the government don't care. Why should they?)

The simple formula of change (no miracles and magic involved):

We shan’t talk about a change in the government without a change in the people.
But, we shan’t talk about a change in people, without first a change in ourselves.

Start small, start now.
A jug fills drop by drop.
Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
34 minutes ago · · 3

2011-12-01T01:01:00.001+08:00

10.1. The power of an idea.
One very fine day, I observed that different groups were fighting to stop the Peaceful Assembly Bill. But to have any hopes at overturning this bill, we need massive pressure. So how do we achieve massive pressure? I thought of the Obama's Organizing For America campaign. Effective organization's the key. We need to be way more skillful in organizing communities. Also, I realize that the general public doesn't seem to know anything. So I decided to:
1. Raise awareness through FB group & Picbadge
2. To get information out on a website so its search friendly.
3. Get a community of people committed to the cause - Engage, Activate, Action :)
4. Learning from the Obama campaign, to have campaigners/organizers in different local communities.

Actions taken:
1. Done. #KillTheBill was born. Update: 1031 members to date.
2. Domain name of KillTheBill.org has been purchased & hosting plan too. Only some technical issue. We therefore started a blog. Update: KillTheBill.org official website's up.
3. Done. Some wants to take if offline as well.
4. I have started collecting a database to link individuals together. Update: We have activated 14 local communities all around Malaysia, from KL to Penang to Johor to Kuching to Kuantan during Christmas week. We now protest concurrently, Sat 2 to 3pm.

The numbers weren't too bad :) This was achieved in 4 days time.
#ThePowerOfAGoodTeam
#IAmLearningSoMuch

10.2. Finding myself in a position where I am drawn into the game of "politics". Only that this is not a simulation.
Perhaps, I have only started to understand what politics is all about.
When you have potentially critical information, the power, and a group of people with you, what do you do?
What is your strategy? What direction do you take - to lead these people to? What responsibilities do you have? How do you win?
Darn, I need to analyse.
I will post about this one day.

Nono, don't worry :) I am only exaggerating something small.
Hmmmn.

2011-11-18T01:20:00.001+08:00

Disclaimer: Rereading my posts makes me laugh at my grammatical mistakes. I care about grammar - just as much as I care about everyone/everything. But I don't edit my posts (guess its pretty authentically off the top of my head?), neither do I care much about how grammar will affect one's impression of me. That's quite daft, I think. So forgive my imperfect grammar, I simply have more important things to do than to fix my grammar atm. I sincerely apologize if that causes you discomfort in anyway. Care to leave a note in the comments section of any mistakes that you found? That help would be greatly appreciated. :) I mean this. I want to learn. I want to be better.

Chapter 10: 14 Precepts of Engaged Buddhism

2011-11-11T04:56:00.001+08:00

In his book Interbeing, Nhat Hanh lays out the following 14 Precepts of Engaged Buddhism (here paraphrased), which emphasize social change as beginning with oneself.

Do not be idolatrous about or bound to any doctrine, theory, or ideology, even Buddhist ones.
Do not think the knowledge you presently possess is changeless, absolute truth. Avoid being narrow minded and bound to present views. Learn and practice nonattachment from views in order to be open to receive others' viewpoints.
Do not force others, including children, by any means whatsoever, to adopt your views, whether by authority, threat, money, propaganda, or even education. However, through compassionate dialogue, help others renounce fanaticism and narrow-mindedness.
Do not avoid suffering or close your eyes before suffering. Do not lose awareness of the existence of suffering in the life of the world. Find ways to be with those who are suffering, including personal contact, visits, images and sounds. By such means, awaken yourself and others to the reality of suffering in the world.
Do not accumulate wealth while millions are hungry. Do not take as the aim of your life fame, profit, wealth, or sensual pleasure. Live simply and share time, energy, and material resources with those who are in need.
Do not maintain anger or hatred. Learn to penetrate and transform them when they are still seeds in your consciousness. As soon as they arise, turn your attention to your breath in order to see and understand the nature of your hatred.
Do not lose yourself in dispersion and in your surroundings. Practice mindful breathing to come back to what is happening in the present moment. Be in touch with what is wondrous, refreshing, and healing both inside and around you.
Do not utter words that can create discord and cause the community to break. Make every effort to reconcile and resolve all conflicts, however small.
Do not say untruthful things for the sake of personal interest or to impress people. Do not utter words that cause division and hatred. Do not spread news that you do not know to be certain. Do not criticize or condemn things of which you are not sure. Always speak truthfully and constructively. Have the courage to speak out about situations of injustice, even when doing so may threaten your own safety.
Do not use the Buddhist community for personal gain or profit, or transform your community into a political party. A religious community, however, should take a clear stand against oppression and injustice and should strive to change the situation without engaging in partisan conflicts.
Do not live with a vocation that is harmful to humans and nature. Do not invest in companies that deprive others of their chance to live. Select a vocation that helps realise your ideal of compassion.
Do not kill. Do not let others kill. Find whatever means possible to protect life and prevent war.
Possess nothing that should belong to others. Respect the property of others, but prevent others from profiting from human suffering or the suffering of other species on Earth.
Do not mistreat your body. Learn to handle it with respect. Do not look on your body as only an instrument. Preserve vital energies (sexual, breath, spirit) for the realisation of the Way. (For brothers and sisters who are not monks and nuns:) Sexual expression should not take place without love and commitment. In sexual relations, be aware of future suffering that may be caused. To preserve the happiness of others, respect the rights and commitments of others. Be fully aware of the responsibility of bringing new lives into the world.

Draft: Chapter 6 to 9.

2011-11-11T02:47:00.001+08:00

Chapter 6: What is Love? On the topic of romantic love, marriage, children, and what Love really is.
Chapter 7: Detachment vs Attachment
Chapter 8: Self-confidence
Chapter 9: Novitiation

I intend to write on this four subject, but before 4 comprehensive posts, here's a preview draft of what I want to say. (If I don't push myself with some drafts, who knows when I'll find time to pluck these out from my thoughts)

Chapter 6: What is Love? On the topic of romantic love, marriage, children, and what Love really is.

Preview:
Apparent reality: I love you.
Actual reality: I love you so that you could satisfy me, excite me, pleasure me, and make me happy.
I love myself.

If asked for the definition of love, I would have said, "Love is the unconditional compassion that expects nothing, and knows no bounds.

It's unfortunate that many of us do not realise nor do we analyse deep enough on how common society has convoluted, misled and deceitfully use Love for self serving purpose.

If what you really meant was I love you because you can satisfy and pleasure me. Admit to it. It doesn't absolve you of selfishness, but at least you were honest.
You'll earn -1 Selfishness +1 Realization +1 Honesty.
Don't sugar coat it to become the pure and sacred I Love You - holding yourself up high for your ability to "Love".
Do rethink the next time you use the word "I Love You."

Will continue this onto my views on marriage, children next time.

I love children (wait till you see me in captain wildchild mood with my cousin), but...?
We ought to do some deep thinking.

Ps: In case you'd concluded, I am not a cynic of love. :)
But, love in the pure & real form would become increasingly rare if we kept lowering our bar/standard of what it entails.
I, for one, would not submit myself to a degradation of what Love is.

Chapter 7: Detachment vs Attachment

You get better in your job or whatever you do being detached than attached.

Chapter 8: Self-confidence

You become more confident by dissolving the ego, not building up the ego.

2011-11-03T19:58:00.004+08:00

3rd of Nov,
Was trying hard to figure out how to use the Astro control & switch on the tv while I lunched.
Death stared the Astro control box.
Sister casually grabbed the control & with her magic push, Tv got turned on.

My intention: watch some news @Astro Awani. (If no news, switch to Discovery, NatGeo, History Channel).

Read more »

2011-10-09T13:39:00.013+08:00

I wanted to, I still want to comfort those kids in the slums of Rio De Janeiro, the kids in war-torn Somalia or Myanmar, I want to hug them in my arms & tell them that "it's gonna be all right."
To that, let me just start step-by-step, I know I will get there one day. Even if I die before "ceasing tears & suffering" I know that I was 1 step closer to my goal.
(Reminds myself of my GTD 30,000 ft goal & to pen and strategize everything down. here's to a step-by-step grand plan.)

In the 1990s, Pastor James Wuye and Imam Muhammad Ashafa led opposing, armed militias, dedicated to defending their respective communities as violence broke out in Kaduna, northern Nigeria. Now the two men are co-directors of the Muslim-Christian Interfaith Mediation Centre in their city, leading task-forces to resolve conflicts across Nigeria. The film tells how they made this remarkable transition. It is both a moving story of forgiveness and a case-study of a successful grass-roots initiative to rebuild communities torn apart by conflict.

If Nigerians can (from war>understanding), Malaysians can bridge our divide & lack of understanding too. :)

All that's needed is really not a conversion from a faith to another faith, as Mr. Goenka (a teacher of meditation) said, "they can continue to remain hindu, muslim, christian, etc.. conversion should be from the impurity of the mind to the purity of the mind."

Which reminds myself that I'm gonna meditate now :)

What are the various reasons that make Muslim women in Malaysia wear the hijab? What are their challenges? AKU SIAPA explores these questions and more.

Through a series of candid interviews with Muslim women, young and old, urban and rural, director Norhayati Kaprawi uncovers why Muslim women wear the hijab, and why some take it off. The interviews also demonstrate what Muslim women understand about the hijab and the Quranic verses that compel them to cover up.

Just as importantly, AKU SIAPA interviews religious scholars, academics and politicians from both Malaysia and Indonesia about the phenomenon of the hijab and its development within Islam and in Malaysia. AKU SIAPA is a necessary viewing for those who are curious about the hijab and those who want to better understand political Islam and its impact on women in contemporary Malaysia.

This documentary does not advocate for or against the hijab/tudung, but merely seeks to impart a better understanding "as it is" :)

More independent films: http://freedomfilmfest.komas.org/fff/category/freedomfilmfest/schedule

FreedomFilmfest2011 Trailer from Pusat KOMAS on Vimeo.

This made me teary :') Orphaned at 3, alone since 5, slept on the stairs & public toilets for 10 years..yet...

Chapter 5.1.1: Why my "idealism"?

2011-09-29T15:43:00.006+08:00

Amnesty International Polska
Development Intern · February 2009 to May 2009 · Warsaw, Poland
- Peace Project 2009
  February 2009 to May 2009
  Taught Peace, and cross-cultural understanding to 25,000 Polish students across different cities' high school in Poland; this was made possible by a group of 22 countries' delegation from around the world - where I represented my country, Malaysia.

Rotary International
Development Intern · In 2009

You'll understand where I come from by watching the following.

Some of the things I have seen, I have experienced, I have challenged, and I have understood.

More context of why:

2011-09-27T18:41:00.014+08:00

Tuned in to, Replaying again and again: Let It Be - Beatles

Google Search term: How to deal with selfish people.

Chapter 5.1: My Past "Self" -- Breaking away from it.

2011-09-26T06:38:00.018+08:00

The true value of a human being is determined primarily by the measure and the sense in which he has attained to liberation from the self.- Albert Einstein, The World As I See It (1949)

I thought it might be interesting to provide some context into my "self" as explained by a personality test (more aptly put, its actually a personal preference test) taken with a psychologist about 5 years ago. (Here's what you get yourself into when people think you can be a leader just because you talk & laugh too much and gifted you a sponsored leadership training camp)

I somewhat want to provide an understanding of the context of my "idealism" (again,common societal view).

According to the MBTI, I tested 5 years ago as an ENFP.
I think that too many description on the internet are far too vague, they say ENFP are driven by our "inner values." But really, what inner values are those?

Chapter 5: On the Self. What is "I"? What is "me"?

2011-09-26T06:34:00.007+08:00

"A human being is part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. We experience ourselves, our thoughts and feelings as something separate from the rest. A kind of optical delusion of consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from the prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. The true value of a human being is determined by the measure and the sense in which they have obtained liberation from the self. We shall require a substantially new manner of thinking if humanity is to survive."
- Albert Einstein, 1954

To build on what Einstein said, I think that our almost mechanized behaviours - to avoid things that pain or displeasure us and to crave for pleasures - are driven by a wrong concept of self.

I.

What is I?

I seems to refer to either my physical form and mental entities (personality, memories, etc).
That is still the apparent reality.

The actual reality: We use I for convenience.
"I" am actually made of cells. Breaking that down further, "I" am made of atoms.
To be exact, 7,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 atoms.
Every atom lasts 0.001 second (metastable state) and 0.000000001 second (excited/high energy state).
So technically, every 0.000000001 - 0.001 second, the atoms making up "me" dies off and were replaced with new ones (energy transferred from the food we eat).
So "I" die and is reborn again every second.

I think it helps to imagine ourselves as a "mass of bubble" popping away and replaced with new bubbles.
Alternatively, you can imagine a river.
If I take a dip & came out of "The River" 5 minute ago, is it "The same river" as I am seeing now?

It also helps to question,
when you say something like "I want to play football!"

Who and what is the I that you're referring to?
The I that has popped away a few second ago, or the current I that's anew?

Chapter 4: Happiness. Joy.

2011-09-25T02:05:00.006+08:00

The term Happiness seems to be somewhat convoluted by much preconceived notions. Most of these notions stem off from the basic assumption that "Desires fulfilled = Happiness".
Capitalism is built off of this assumption. However, capitalism have been illogical, unfulfilling, and unrealistic in too many ways.
Just one of the why it is unrealistic:
Look,
If Desires fulfilled =Happiness
Realistically, Human desires are never fulfilled* = So people will never be happy?

* Yet possible, if we purify our mind and heart. Desires in itself are not bad, nor will it cause unhappiness. But attachment to desires, will. Attachment to desires are not an inherent human nature (just what we do, thinking that temporary pleasures will make us happy), but an inherent impurity in human - that could be 'picked out'.

Happiness is to me today - joy.

The ultimate Joy that I have experienced in meditation*, shocking but true, comes from a still, peaceful, quiet, equanimous, and empty mind.

That moment of realizing you were experiencing complete stillness and emptiness, although only a few seconds, but..wow.

Imagine your mind was as still, empty and calm as the space in the universe.But with infinite consciousness and heightened awareness of every occurrences.
The mind was free from bustling mental activities and became perfectly still.

Empty; devoid of self; but never more aware of everything.

2011-09-20T01:18:00.000+08:00

Schubert's "La Serenade"

3.1 Volunteerism

2011-09-09T12:20:00.005+08:00

Often times, I feel that there is a lack of volunteerism and civic engagement (of social, political, economical issues) among youths in Malaysia.
You can be sure that I would advocate for volunteerism and civic engagement (which I know will benefit youths innately) everywhere I find suitable :)

[Forgive me for my shorthand use of actual comments/msg that I've posted on FB as part of my blog post to convey my thoughts. This would be so much more efficient - since I would usually have said what I want to say in conversations - than waiting for me to draft an impeccable post about the same thing over again. I'm very anal of a perfectionist - I once saved about 300 draft posts in my previous blog.]
I know right? oh dumdum vienna :D smack myself for my own stewpidity

1) I have an idea!

12 August

Vienna Looi

Daniel

i'm coming to barcamp!

lets go together?

btw, I have an idea.

to promote Volunteerism & a spirit of care in Malaysian society

(But i have not a single clue on how to develop a website in malaysia)

- the idea's modelled against something i have personally been through in Washington DC.

However, i have a farewell to attend on Sat 6.30pm onwards

IF i have to choose to pitch my idea on the 1st or 2nd day

which is more effective? - at speaking and mobilizing ppl?

12 August
Daniel Y.S. Tan
woahhh...
first...nice to see you back!
and welcome to barcampkl!
asa matter of fact, i am one of the main organisers for malaysia and yes, i will be able to help you
i'll be going there early like 8am
and staying overnight till the 2nd day
you're welcomed to stay overnight with us too
i can get my partner to do that website thingy or you
just need to understand how you want to push this effort forward
12 August
Vienna Looi
If you check out this website:http://greaterdccares.org/HomePage/index.php/home.html
http://greaterdccares.org/projects/viewProject.php?_mode=project_intro&_clearFlag=course%2Cspecialevent
Greater DC Cares has an excellent,
straightforward way of organizing volunteers
(I've personally went through the process) People can get orientated to become volunteers
through the website, search for days they want to volunteer for
they will find a list of organizations, actitivities,
and no. of volunteers needed,
once they sign up, the precise location and contact person information would be sent to them.
I intend this to be an umbrella body/website for all the charitable organizations in malaysia.
I would also want to Combine https://www.tisbest.org/ the idea of a Charity Gift Card
to this website.
Ie: for birthday presents, ppl can buy a RM30 charity gift card, give it to their friend, and their friend can choose to donate to any of the hundreds charity organizations that would be listed on the website itself.
(It is also of my wish that through this way, we could see ppl start to care about each other, realising the hhumanity and love that exist within each other, regardless of their race, age, eonomic status, i think this is a way forward to truly 1 Malaysia, and 1 Caring Malaysia.)

To materialize my goals, I have even found website designers to would help develop websites for non-profits organizations and causes for free. I'm providing their links here to anyone who might need such help too. :)
http://www.vanillafactory.com/

Chapter 3: Actual Reality vs Apparent Reality.

2011-08-24T03:21:00.007+08:00

24 December 2010 · ·

You and Kec Crownclown like this.
- Vienna Looi Dear AhYap, where would this be? It has a mesmerizing and calming effect to me. The image plunged me into deep thoughts.
  3 hours ago ·
- AhYap.com Myanmar, a place they said without democrazy, without freedom and yet they are free in their mind. We are the opposite. Proof - they feel nothing when a camera is pointed at them, try to point a camera at a city man and see how uncomfortable he is. We have so many things to hide and always need to pretend to be something. They are just them, their real being.
  2 hours ago ·
- Vienna Looi
  My reserved guess was right - that this is Myanmar.
  Ah Yap, I understand where you are coming from. I value authenticity as the most important value of a being (alongside wisdom and compassion).
  Having studied in Washington DC for a year, I've came across many unreal being you spoke of - pretentiousness and superficiality.
  I think this is caused by the conventional societal perception and definition of a nation's growth - economy - the amount of goods and pretty buildings you have.
  Economy is supposed to serve people; not the other way around. Emphasis of goods over people, superficial beauty over substantance/substantial beauty, and apparent reality over actual reality imprison people's mind.
  All this promise of democracy are lies, fallacies, fake realities that many are deluded into believing,
  when in actuality it is constructed through mutual fear and mutual military threat with only ever increasing annual budget on defense technology and armed forces from every nation in the world.
  We are not free, never will we be free that way.
  Also, never will individuals be free when their minds are imprisoned and entrapped.
  
  Having said that, I find still a ray of hope in the world through my own actions and research.
  I find direction of what I think is the benchmark of real progress for any nation including Malaysia in Bhutan's Gross National Happiness (GNH) economic model.
  Also, like Aung San Suu Kyi commenting on her long confinement and isolation, during which she was not allowed to meet her dying husband, “Isolation is not difficult for me. Maybe it’s because of my Buddhist upbringing” and Vipassana meditation practice.
  I think Buddhism and meditation has freed my mind quite a bit :)
  But like Aung San Suu Kyi on Myanmar, I will not give up on Malaysia and its people. I hope you too :)

Thoughts:

1) That image still mesmerize me. I am drawn to such calm and tranquil image. Such calmness and tranquility is the exact feeling I got during or after meditation.
*smiling from my heart*

2) I value the old, the cultural, the vintage. I treasure a place which its people are true to themselves, and their cultural heritage without being engulfed by 'modernization' or capitalism. (Ie: Bhutan and India are on my travel checklist - if I will ever travel soon.) I have tried to plan a family trip to India to volunteer in the past; alas, my efforts were to no avail. While my family and I drove past one of the old historical town near Teluk Intan this weekend, I was immediately drawn to those colonial-age building, verbalizing "these are so beautiful :)" The KLCC might fascinate me for 30 minutes, but I admire, appreciate and am deeply fascinated by beauty these buildings for a lifetime - falling for it over and over, time after time again.
3) While writing the Facebook comment on the picture, I was reminded of my thoughts before attending Bersih. I never intended to be brave, heroic, etc, I merely want to support and stand up for what I believe in. I don't know what I would achieve, but I was also not oblivious of potential consequences, that of which includes getting arrest, detained, injured or even death. :) I accepted that there is a possibility that I might get detained under ISA to Kem Kamunting. But I think many have little acquaintances with Vipassana meditators :) Like Aung San Suu Kyi, personal isolation should not a big problem for me - at least I know it would not be for a good 10 days. I have meditated 10.5 hours a day - that's about 100 hours in 10 days - without speaking to anyone (except a 2-10 minutes session asking the teacher questions to clear doubts) for 10 days. What better joy to be able to practice to understand, experience, and improve our mind than in solitude - while getting feed (I hope)?
After contemplating and accepting potential worst case scenarios, I decided to proceed with my plan. I do advise anyone who cannot accept the potential consequences (or anyone who has little control of their mind while facing adverse conditions) to not make rash decisions - just in case things go wrong. But my decidions are never blind; any decisions that one make must never be blind. But it is just natural for me to never extrovert these thoughts and worries to anyone.
Who does it benefit? I am not convinced that me or any other individual will benefit from these worries; one exception, I might share with individuals who I think are ready/mentally strong enough, and that sharing my thoughts and worries with such individuals would benefit and better prepare them :)

Chapter 2: On Death. Organ Transplant.

2011-08-23T11:20:00.040+08:00

This was not the serious and comprehensive post I wanted to write on the topic of death. But watching this video reminds me of some of the things I wanted to say. I might as well do a simple post first.

Just as death would grip us by the leg one day, there is no escape; never will there be an escape.

That was a truth that I have accepted long ago.

I remember contemplating about death while staring at a corpse being post-mortem (while at a hospital attachment in Hospital Kuala Lumpur), fully displaying the man's flesh, brain, lungs, intestines, skin infected with corpse-worm/maggots; I thought I would end up like that one day too.

Knowing that, I did not hesitated to tick off the check boxes on all of my organs (the heart, kidneys, eyes, liver, lungs, pancreas, intestine, and thymus) and tissues (including bones, tendons (both referred to as musculoskeletal grafts), cornea, skin, heart valves, and veins) for organ transplantation when I die. I told my parents that its too simple of a choice - a choice between:

a) letting the maggots have the last bite and eat up every piece of my body, or

b) giving away my organs or tissues that I don't need any longer, as a "gift of life" for one (or two or more) person.

1.4 Food for Thought: What is normalcy? What does it mean to be human? Nature vs Nurture.

2011-08-19T00:46:00.013+08:00

Read: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genie_(feral_child)

1.3 Inspiring Story: The Fruit from China story :)

2011-08-17T17:38:00.009+08:00

Context: A friend of mine from China who I have stayed in contact with until today called me recently to get my house address to deliver some special fruit from China to me :)

I knew that his family background was not as privileged as I am - being born to a pair of peasant parents in a farming village, owning little more a land close to the size of a room. What I admire about him though is for his knowledge about China's current social, history, political, and economical situation. He was a very well read person despite being robbed off the chance to graduate from primary school.
There are so many things here that I wish you would pick up subtlely without having me to reiterate the "moral of the story".

(He also serve as my link to understanding China and "Communism"¹ from an insider point of view :) Hahaha :D the marvel of friends from around the world - my little spies - that deepen my understanding far beyond the fear-stricken, panic-stricken, little substance news.)

I disregarded the need for the present because I have already received the more important present - his sincerity :)

Note:
1. Communism in China = Totalitarianism, not communism as laid out by Karl Marx.

1.2 Interlude: What is International Relations?

2011-08-12T04:59:00.021+08:00

For your knowledge (especially those who seek answers from me), in theory:

International relations (IR) (occasionally referred to as international studies (IS))^[1] is the study of relationships between countries, including the roles of states, inter-governmental organizations (IGOs), international nongovernmental organizations (INGOs), non-governmental organizations (NGOs) and multinational corporations (MNCs). It is both an academic and public policy field, and can be either positive or normative as it both seeks to analyze as well as formulate the foreign policy of particular states. It is often considered a branch of political science (especially after 1988 UNESCO nomenclature), but an important sector of academia prefer to treat it as an interdisciplinary field of study.
Apart from political science, IR draws upon such diverse fields as economics, history, international law, philosophy, geography, social work, sociology, anthropology, psychology, women's studies/gender studies, and cultural studies / culturology. It involves a diverse range of issues including but not limited to: globalization, state sovereignty, ecological sustainability, nuclear proliferation, nationalism, economic development, global finance, terrorism, organized crime, human security, foreign interventionism and human rights.

In practice,
one of my mini assignment (this was one of the easiest and most interesting assignment out of the weekly 20 pages research or papers - you probably don't want to read my 10 pages thesis/paper) was to respond to an article from economist.com using multiple IR theories, lens, and paradigms. The choice of article was completely up to us. Being me, I naturally chose to answer the most pressing issues in a creative way. (Just sharing a realisation, where there is a higher risk/bigger hurdle, there is a higher fulfillment whether you succeed or not. Definitely not the most logical and safe step to take if we get down to statistics :) But You will be rewarded for attempting the unconventional - who can solve the North Korea problem/threat? - and taking risks of holding the bull by its horn. Other than that, I also attempted to "solve world issue" than to comment about it from the realist, liberalist, constructive, etc lens - as many of my classmates did; to me, papers like that are the standard but unconstructive and worth little. Apprehending that my professor wants us to respond, not comment on the article, I got a green light to take a step further. In the end, this assignment got me some praise from the professor and a full 10 out of 10 points.) So here's sharing some IR for your enlightenment, and to quench your curiosity.
*But I'm passing a lil note from my professor here: Grammatical mistake abound ;)*

Coping with North Korea

How do you solve a problem like Korea?

Only by persuading China that it’s in its own interest to rein in the Kims

Nov 25th 2010 | from the print edition

1.1 Interlude: Valuable reads

2011-08-10T19:12:00.031+08:00

Less of politically motivated, dumbed down news, or justin bieber lady gaga, more of:

1) Wikipedia.org: The Free Encyclopedia
Or better yet: Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy (A Wikipedia run by academic experts. The encyclopedia is written and edited by academia from Stanford University and elsewhere; scholarly, more reliable and citable than Wikipedia :) Anyone can alter Wikipedia, but 120 leading philosophers & experts from around the world oversees contributions here. Text can only be published after being peer reviewed and approved several times. Read here for more differences. I secretly wish that you would check out Quantum Mechanics, eschew International Relations' Political Realism theory or at least think about Bioethics.

2) Ted.com: Ideas Worth Spreading

3) Malaysiakini: News And Views That Matter (Malaysia)
Also see: Malaysiakini TV

4) LoyarBurok.com: This is LoyarBurok. Where Your Purpose In Life Meets Ours. The ONLY Community Blawg that cares. Your inbox will never be the same again. (Here, getting caught by ISA is the IN thing, will get you some pat in the back, and some cheering in the background)

Might as well join them live at: UndiMsia

5) Economist.com: World News, Politics, Economics, Business & Finance

6) AhYap.com: Better Than Reading Newspaper (Malaysia)

7) Pbs.org: Be More. Public Broadcasting Service

Also see: PBS Frontline: World - Stories from a small planet
                PBS Frontline: Thought Provoking Documentary Films

8) Stevepavlina.com: Personal Development for Smart People

Especially see: How to Discover Your Life Purpose in About 20 Minutes
                         10 Reasons You Should Never Get a Job

9) Newscientist.com: Daily Science News

10) Propublica.org: Journalism In The Public Interest (Investigative Journalism/2011 Pulitzer Prize in National Reporting)

10) Sign up for Malaysia Forum Kopitiam mailing list (where overseas Malaysian students meet & have intellectual exchange/discussion on issues - sometimes not so intellectual ;) still better than our domestic forums - but even better for the local students' mind)

Selamat Datang!

Also see Forum (Domestic Version): Forum Lowyat: Malaysia's Largest Online Community
Caveat for forum lowyat: I am critical about this one. Sure, it makes you more savvy, critical, business-minded but stay on your toes for the pervasive mediocre, lackluster herd mentality since its a user generated (very rarely users pop out from their typical domestic bubble of existence) forum for the masses after all. But, at least it gains some merits, in my eyes, to break free from your typical friend-friend only bubble of existence.

11) Unscientific Malaysia: Promoting Science, Scepticism & Free-Thought in Malaysia

Just sharing some of my reads - which I think are valuable - so we don't live in denial or ignorance :)
Share with me some of your valuable reads too, enlighten me!

Chapter 1: A New Beginning.

2011-08-06T03:02:00.026+08:00

On July 9th, 2011, I wrote a blog post about a new beginning as to the direction of this blog.

From today onwards, this shall be a blog that will help others and me - to grow in wisdom and compassion. It is with wisdom and compassion that we will all enjoy a more blissful, more happy, or more joyful life.

I have grown past the stage where I need a blog for self satisfaction or self gratification. (My self satisfaction comes naturally from myself - not anything from you - from my ability to give and help)

There's absolutely no need to say "You inspired me" or "I salute you" to me (I don't expect or want anything at anytime). In fact, please do not waste time in all that praise and words. Truth is, they benefit you and me little (if any. Ie: If it makes you feel good that you've supported the cause through uttering some words.). Also, this is purely so that you have the right understanding of what is more important here.

Think through this: by saying that "you salute me", understand what you are implying here. You probably subconsciously implied that you think that: a) I may be more capable than you, therefore you are incapable of any similar actions, b) you would not take actions - even when others are doing it - and even if it is actions for what you think is right. That is some wrong understanding and wrong effort, that will not benefit you or others.

In this similar journey of life *we all walk on the same road*, in the end of the day, I am human, you are human, you die, I die, one day :) We all same-same. Me no have Superman powers.

So lets be comrades in becoming the best person that we can be, and lets not compare if 'I am less capable and you are more capable..I have longer hair and you have shorter hair et cetera.' Such are too minuscule and changeable conditions [emphasis added].

Perhaps, I may have some fortunate life circumstances (that is another reason I am sharing with you how I found my way to those experiences; if you think it will benefit you, reap it, Carpe Diem :D) I believe every healthy human being are capable of little "extra-out-of-the-typical-selfish-action-in-society" effort. I have not found anyone healthy who is incapable of such actions yet, can you suggest someone?

Now the right understanding of what is important here: The most practical, rewarding, and beneficial action you could do for mainly yourself (or me) is to start acting upon (anything you find inspiring in any individuals). After that, start sharing with me real stories of how you have treated others with wisdom, compassion, or other virtues.

Msg me with stories: Vienna Looi (FB) :) (I will so gladly share it here for the benefit of everyone)

Upcoming posts:

Inspiring Story 1: A Malaysian from Cambodia who have attempted to send me a Charity Gift Card after reading my wall post on FB.

Chapter 2: On Happiness.

Chapter 3: On the Self. What is "me"? Is there a true "me"?
Chapter 4: On Death.
(Not necessarily in this order but definitely on these topics)

Now, I need to work more efficiently and find time to convey my thoughts.

2011-07-09T03:32:00.002+08:00

Older posts, I'm archiving.

Impermanent and ever-changing, everything seems.

A new direction for the benefit of others and me.

Apprehending the meaning beyond the surface.

2011-05-19T17:45:00.004+08:00

The way is not in the finger, but the direction where the finger is pointing.

I was just reading up some comments on a buddhist wedding song sung by two dear friends. I thought it was very beautiful. I especially valued how they sung "we shall always be the best of pal in harmony."

Brushing all kinship biasness aside, I was appalled by the debates - in the comments section - sparked by the simple fact that they were facing the buddha with their backs. How minuscule?

A person who adheres rules and customs in religious books without questioning and understanding the meaning behind these rules is akin to a cow that must be constantly pulled and herded; the cow, without its string, is a lost cow.

Lets see beyond established rules to apprehend the meaning already, shall we?

And I bet few could understand this.

2011-05-04T08:45:00.010+08:00

[Disclaimer: These are all typed out in one go, right after I watched the video, to capture my own train of thoughts; rather, they are trains of thoughts. They are intended to be original, and unedited. I have not reread it after typing it out. If grammar, instead of apprehension of the main ideas, is your cup of tea, I highly do not recommend you reading this or trying to make sense out of it. (Similar disclaimer applies for highly linear thinker)]
Now, that I've warned you, here goes.

I just had a thought.

I think few people in the world are capable of understanding me.
You see, I'm one who would have the following train of thoughts while watching a youtube video like this..

*1st layer of thought* I would think of the archetypes behind MTVs in west - think Sexyback, this, and everything else (promoting a chase of endless lust and passions and all things glittery and glamorous [*2nd layer of thoughts* linking the behaviors of some American youths (drinking to get drunk, hooking ups, gossiping, partying, making ups) with the influence of these music videos.. teaching us the model of cool and 'trend'y behaviours... so we can adjust our behavior to it according... like how girls model the beautiful standards they have to reach everyday from the models in the magazines...)

comparing it to the Asians archetype (a girl or guy who keeps crying 10 years after their breakups, never letting go of their loved ones - even if death do them apart - think 'Tong Hua';

alternatively acting cute and innocent in Taiwanese Music Videos; I grew up with 10,000 videos like these [*3rd layer of thoughts* which can be explained using the Asian's staying loyal *4th layer: thinking of my Ancestral worship practices* and chastity culture] ). For example,
which meant something like..

Own it Once More

I miss the winter from last year

At that snowy night

Your gentle, tightly held hands

Has warmed me throughout winter

I lost the things I once owned

After you left

You took my laughter and left behind loneliness

I have forgotten what happiness is

The nights without you are especially dark

I can only close my eyes to feel

Those nights without me, who is without you

And replaced our past

Can I hear you say “love me” once more?

And return to the time I was still in your arms?

Can I own this one more time,

This gentleness that once belonged to me

comparing it to the Islamic Nasheed music video I saw like Raihan while I was in Malaysia (which is all about modesty and minimalistic - using only duff (a small drum) and their voices unlike all the fancy props MTVs have) to the values that their youths model against (I'm speaking of some of the true pious, gentle Islamic youths that I've encountered) which explains the modesty of covering up wearing Hijab/tudung....

*back to 2nd layer of thought on American youths getting drunk, hooking up, partying* I would also think of why and what's the purpose of constructing all these fake realities....
Britney Spears is really not Britney Spears - definitely not the one we see or know. The Britney Spears we see is a face that was drawn out through at least 3 layers of makeups... 20 types of products all over the eyes and face to body shimmers... A real woman don't look like that. (We don't have drunken, lustful eyes, opened mouth moving in slow mooootion looking for constant sex)
*3rd layer of thoughts* why these lies, surreality, and constructed reality?
maybe it is driven by a desire to break free from reality... to escape from reality...
maybe, actually, people are not happy?
*4th layer of thoughts* but why are we trying to escape from reality? why aren't people happy?
maybe the Industrial Revolution [*5th layer of thoughts* which makes the advertisements necessary to sell off all the excess products, in turn, makes ourselves labor more to buy more things we don't need, to support the gigantic structure they call Economy] is all quite a lie that we're improving; instead of suffering. we're sold that we're happy if we have this and that.

and to be happy we have to first do things that we're not happy doing (work to earn money), what logic?

we were lied to with a constitutions that states that we're guaranteed peace, and freedom as an individual.
but peace comes through a mutual threats or fear of the armory, tanks, nuclear weapons that we have.
we have freedom? yes *sarcasm* when we can barely choose how to not dread college and work (for happiness *which is a lie* because happiness comes only with contentment, not material. you'll not be happy if you work more, for a flat today, townhouse next year, bungalow or a BMW upgrade or more expensive make ups and skincare to attract love)
really, are we free?

we were trapped in our own little constructed reality and economy
while on the other end of the world... people are suffering from civil wars fighting for access to diamonds * think Blood Diamond * or rare earth metals like Neodymium in yours and my cell phones and computers and tvs [*6th layer of thoughts* again used to lie to us that we need more neodymium] millions are dying through these civil wars.....or suffering to labor for 0.5 cents a day pay to plant coffees, that will be jack up 2000% its price when it arrives at our supermarket. then we also have to labor 9 to 5. 9 hours a day. 1 hour of to and from work. 8 hours of sleep, 3 hours to travel & eat our meals, an hour to bath, WE'RE LEFT WITH 2 HOURS for ourselves (that's what we have for our FREEDOM *7th layer of thoughts* great way to control people to not be able to realize certain truth, kept in our own little constructed ignorance existence and keep going back to their 9 to 5) to buy that 2000% priced coffee to make ourselves happy, cause we were told by our tvs that we need them since young (we probably wouldn't know of the existence of coffee, without it. So it goes back to supporting our whole structure of Economy to buy ourselves happiness)
http://pcworld.co.nz/pcworld/pcw.nsf/news/common-gadgets-may-be-affected-by-shortage-of-rare-earths

we were told that we are happy, and we're free...
but in the end we have 2 hours a day to do what we want, we are unhappy, they, on the other end of the world, are unhappy or dying... and we all want to break free...

so these are my train of thoughts from just watching one video.

[*unknown layer of thoughts* at this point, i lost track of how many thoughts I had along the way of watching a 3:56 minute of video. I think our mind are magnificent and too fast to be caught on by words. This is what i thought of in 3:56 minute. sometimes i wish i could document more of my thoughts. but the way my thoughts go, is like this unbounded spider web, i can probably go on thinking forever. answering all my own whys.]

Really, Can anyone follow me?

hmmmmmnn.

hopefully.

Documentaries I deem worth watching.

2011-04-17T14:20:00.007+08:00

I forgo tv since a really long time ago.
But here are some documentaries I've watched which will provide some insights to my current view of the world - a world of advertisements, consumerism, development (on a side of the world), and poverty (on the other side).
These can be life changing documentaries. (It will at least make you think of certain issues in a different way) Ready for a challenge? haha :P
(Actually, I just want you to watch it! hahaha. yes, I've succeeded in being silly again. Actually, I'm just trying to be funny, please laugh! )

Metta - Loving Kindness

2011-04-17T03:30:00.006+08:00

Do if you wish as I do - just take 10 minutes off from running your daily chores or to another meeting - close your eyes and contemplate upon the words below while appreciating the music.

This is. Always a reminder. To me.

Metta Sutta

This is what should be done

By one who is skilled in goodness,

And who knows the path of peace:

Let them be able and upright,

Straightforward and gentle in speech.

Humble and not conceited,

Contented and easily satisfied.

Unburdened with duties and frugal in their ways.

Peaceful and calm, and wise and skillful,

Not proud and demanding in nature.

Let them not do the slightest thing

That the wise would later reprove.

Wishing: In gladness and in saftey,

May all beings be at ease.

Whatever living beings there may be;

Whether they are weak or strong, omitting none,

The great or the mighty, medium, short or small,

The seen and the unseen,

Those living near and far away,

Those born and to-be-born,

May all beings be at ease!

Let none deceive another,

Or despise any being in any state.

Let none through anger or ill-will

Wish harm upon another.

Even as a mother protects with her life

Her child, her only child,

So with a boundless heart

Should one cherish all living beings:

Radiating kindness over the entire world

Spreading upwards to the skies,

And downwards to the depths;

Outwards and unbounded,

Freed from hatred and ill-will.

Whether standing or walking, seated or lying down

Free from drowsiness,

One should sustain this recollection.

This is said to be the sublime abiding.

By not holding to fixed views,

The pure-hearted one, having clarity of vision,

Being freed from all sense desires,

Is not born again into this world.

I wish that, you - my friend, my teacher, my parents, my siblings, my acquaintance, or just anyone that I don't know of yet - to be well, and to be happy.
:)

Old self, new self, no self?

2011-04-13T04:27:00.017+08:00

Reading up my old blog cheered me up :)

(I blame my brother for bringing this up, but I thank him for reminding me of this old side of me.)

Haha. I used to....

While studying Physics, ~~memorize all the Newtonian laws~~ construct a whole bunch of my own laws.. like:

Hypothesis: The more you study, the less life you get.

Methods of Proving:

1) Hold a mirror

2) Look at yourself and ~~convince yourself that those things on your table makes you happy~~ sulk

Conclusion: The more you study, the less life you get.

(I think I still dislike ~~forced learning~~ education just as much ~~even though my siblings deeply believe that I'm a nerd and a bookworm.~~)

Do funky posts like a step-by-step manual on:

HOW TO TURN YOUR KIDS INTO FOOTBALL JUNKIES IN THE FUTURE

Receive & collect testimonials such as these:

when there's Vienna around.. who needs a Tv?
- PeiLi -

see u keep eating only... and u have Mr Bean's personality in you. hahahaha funny!
- Janice -

vienna friggin eats alot! and i mean ALOT! took 3 full plates of lok lok and nasi lemak. o.o kim tot she couldn't finish them all and bet with her 10bucks for that. in the end she ran away w/o paying vienna. xD
- Junjie -

I'll miss laughing at u! I mean it in a really good way =)
I mean.. Vienna.. u can never find anyone like you..
Thank god! And Im really happy to have friends like you..

Vienna
- Happy-go-lucky
- Never-gets-upset
-2-weeks-before-exam-last-minute-study-and-still-can-score [Vienna, *hint hint*- study!!]
- Cheerful, bubbly, loud, whacky person
- Also the 'tai ka jie' in the family

And Vienna has managed to make me laugh again (come on, this Vitagen girl always makes me laugh...)
- Yi wen -

Ur really funny! (Laughs) U should like have ur own talk show! (thinks..) The Vienna Show!
I will be your first-ever Manager!
- Alexis -
Pei Li & Camen amazingly wants to be my manager too (on three separate occasions; they must be testifying for something!)
Better start beaming light to the show! Bet u'll earn a lot! - Katy -

hahaha I haven't met anyone,anything like you.. eccentric yet funny.

- Ruff -

Loud laugher xD
- camen -

Hmm, gosh I missed my 'even if the sky falls down on me, I can hold it up with my little finger' attitude. Wait, I think I still am - in a more subtle way. For better or worse?

Oh, whacky, bubbly, funny, and stupid Vienna. :D

How times have changed?

Mozart - Sonata KV 448 for 2 Pianos & Piano Concerto No. 21 in C major

2011-04-06T13:37:00.008+08:00

Brings back those fond memories, feelings, and thoughts I used to have while wondering around piano competitions and concerts.

2011-03-29T10:26:00.004+08:00

A thought just came across my mind while I was reading;
Mommy, you're the most selfless person I knew.

Service, devotion, and sacrifice.
What an inner real gem. Yet, the most beautiful things are often the most easily dismissed.

2011-02-09T03:27:00.005+08:00

I'm questioning and reflecting upon too many things.
I even question upon my reflections if these are to my own good - if these are ideals which should be forsaken.

Malaysia's Constitution.

2011-01-26T13:28:00.001+08:00

A life lesson on keeping your virtues to yourself.

2010-12-23T23:52:00.008+08:00

I have been frequenting the Washington Buddhist Vihara a lot of late. I decided that I need a break from my heedless academic pursuits to meditate upon the reasons of me being in DC, and evaluate upon what I have achieved so far in line with my goals in life. In the Vihara, I did some silent meditation and yoga. But what I'd really what to convey through this post is a beautiful story and teaching I've returned with yesterday. I thought I'd share this story that I learned out of a chat with Bhante Dhammasiri (the chief monk).

Our discussion stemmed from the History Channel documentary on Buddhism & Science (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-wuOYlxMSY) that I came across. In the documentary, monks were exhibiting extraordinary capabilities (such as steaming an icy cold towel using the power of their mind & meditation). And I also brought up an inquiry upon my friends' experience of being asked to pay to visit certain Buddhist temples in DC. This of which I didn't view as a righteous practice if one understands the Dhamma (Buddhist teaching).

Although I'd have great respect for those who have trained their mind through meditations to be able to achieve such capabilities, I believe that these are just side effects which should come along with their practice but should not be the main focus. Bhante then expressed his consensus by making a joke about dying as a "steaming monk". :) This is of course not a very successful achievement; I believe beyond every practices and prescription (whether if its Buddhists' dhamma, Christian, Islamic or Jewish doctrines), we should strive to understand why such prescription or practice. Don't follow 'the way' blindly, there is only so far as 'the leaded or prescribed way' will bring you to. Train yourself along the way to understand why you are taking 'the way', because that distinguishes you with a 'leaded herd'. To be enlightened means to understand & undertake 'the way', not to follow 'the way' like a herd. The leaded road can come to an end, but to be enlightened means you should be able to continue from there onwards.

Then I was bringing up my worries about the practices of paying for temple visits. (If I had to die one day, I shall choose to die with a smile and an unending qualms with capitalism. Although I understand that it may be vital for human sustenance, capitalism is just too shallow, artificial, and self-interested for my liking. I apologize for my convictions :) if it might offend.)

He then shared this story. (Please attempt read it beyond the literal story telling)

One day, Buddha with his disciples were trying to cross a river. They were waiting patiently for the boatmen to take them across the river one by one. In the mean time, an achieved meditator just simply walked on the water to the other side of the river. So, a few of Buddha's yet to be enlightened disciples enquired why didn't the Buddha simply do the same too (if he have the capability to)?

Buddha simply asked them, "how much does it cost to pay the boatmen for a trip across the river?" This of which, his disciples answered, "A penny." "So, what do you think I should do with my capabilities?" Buddha replied.

I personally took this as a story to stay humble. Even if you have extraordinary capabilities or have performed virtuous deeds, keep it to yourself.

For the two elements which know no boundaries - kindness and knowledge - keep an empty cup. Let us not assume a filled cup on how much goodness we have did, nor how much knowledge we have gained through out the years, for we can only fill our cups - learn and do so much more - when we assume an empty cup.

Assume an empty cup, strive for depth in your cup; but never use what you have in your cup to undermine (or compare to) others. Instead, use it to bolster others.

What I would name a daughter -- Joy :)

2010-11-21T09:44:00.006+08:00

During my second week in college, I remember meeting a girl by the name 'Joy' -

that just tickled me into a moment of epiphany.

And the thoughts of "how wonderful it would have been to have a lil girl named after 'Joy' (when I have one in the future)" kept running through my mind. It just strikes me as the only thing that really matters.

And joy would be simply the only and everything I want for her.

(Silly Vienna says:"Much better than naming her 'Lavendar' or 'Fleurise', don't you think so? ahha.

In case you haven't realised, I love flowers. They are one of the most natural and beautiful things in the world. They make me smile.

Baby Vienna 101:
"It probably has to do with how flo-wer was the third word she ever learned how to pronounce after 'papa' & 'mommy'" - V's mom) "Why" was the fourth word I ever learned how to pronounce. From that moment onwards, I went all wild. My parents said my "why" (curiosity to understand everything in the world) never ends until I sleep.
Its really funny cause I could still recall asking my mom - of a few why this and that - which would revert me to my dad to answer the following 10 why, which would then revert me to my grandma, then to all the uncle, aunties, teenagers there is in the room. *Simulation: Next target, Here I go again :D*
Despite this, according to mommy V, I'm surprisingly easy to take care of as a baby --- quiet/obedient (to the extend that the pak cik beside the taxi driver seat did not realise that my mom was carrying a baby in her hands; not a single shriek) but I would still sing and lullaby myself to sleep (when I wasn't capable of speech yet).
Because of all my questions, mommy V also remarked that I'm always very 精 (brilliant?) to the extend that "I don't have any childhood", "I've never seen your immaturity, or 童真 (childish side)" HAHA!! This is because my mom just have never seen me in a group of friends! :DDD
My theory: Home is my serious learning ground (which includes being the leader/tai ka jie/take care of my 3 younger siblings/ensure justice is enforced at home with 4 constantly competing fighting for more food/clothes/toys siblings, with parents which we only twice in a week) Outside of home is my PLAYGROUND :D this is where you'll find me being what i can't be at home - immature, childish, to unwind and have fun!
I don't know how it works for others; and if there's logic to reverse my playground site :D (Back then, not like I could ask those kids/friends my "why"s.) But I kept this mode even now, when its appropriate, and unless situation demands it. (Unfortunately, many people will probably judge/come to a conclusion way too early of people. but I treat it as a process of screening of people, those who will understand, will. those who don't have little depth/maturity to see beyond the surface, its a pity for themselves.) Wow, this is Vienna's psychology 101.

The USA & Thoughts.

2010-11-15T04:10:00.014+08:00

I have too much thoughts.

Before I fall into my usual pitfall of "I'll get back to this when I have the time to", I should do this the very moment any thoughts flickered in my mind. For now, let me attempt to trace back my train of thoughts or at least unearth what's left of me.

I haven't blogged since I arrived in the US.

Firstly, the United States of America. For everything in the world, there are good and bad sides of things. I could go on forever outlining these. For now, know that I find the academics challenging but loving it. Washington DC is amazingly stimulating (especially when you are 1.5 miles away from the embassy -- you get called up for teleconference with the PM, you get to know diplomats, you get to make connections with Ministers of Malaysia when they are in DC, you get to visit the Supreme Court, think-tanks, non-profits and et cetera). I love the intellectual vibe. The fact that the influence of power is lingering around every corner is scary. The world is real.

I decided to take a weekend off to escape the campus and went for an Entrepreneurship Seminar organized by the ministries. We were sponsored a 3 days 2 nights stay in the hotel; so I took the chance to 'Zen' out - soak in a warm bath tub, walked around the pool, and slept on posh beds (in comparison to my current social reality: triplet dorms + community bathroom; don't take it wrong, I'm contented though :) ).

Ok, I'm getting too long-winded here. I need to speak to the research librarian. Be sharp and quick, Vienna!

Basically, this little time off was really an reenergize+refocus break for me :)

Now, my thoughts:

- The seminar can be carried out with much more inherent values and success. A 2 full days lecture about entrepreneurship is similar to the futile attempt of lecturing someone into knowing how to ride a bike. I proposed in my feedbacks that the next entrepreneurship seminar should consist of a proposal contest coupled with mentorship of capable personalities.

- Malaysia government is realizing. Look, they brought together the MARA, JPA, Petronas etc. scholars (who're mostly in bio-technology), and attempt to leverage the advantage of our resource rich country by teaching the scholars entrepreneurship skills. The government also promised lots of government assistance.

- Philosophy (I wanna talk about it :P) is an enjoyable time waster. Thoughts: Is there a way to rationally prove something beyond the five senses we have?

Also, I need to be able to prove to Americans that democracy is not necessarily the best system because other regimes has never been executed properly (communism and theological government unfortunately falls in the wrong hands and the wrong time in history). Taking the side for theological government, I argued that if you value human life and materialism no more than spirituality (as with the case with hindus and buddhist), the merits of why democracy is better - higher life expectancy which translates into higher quality of life/good life - is no more better than the 'good life' defined by religion as being attuned with your spirituality, and the leaders who rule are the noble religious man (say, Dalai Lama), why isn't theology government better?

- I shared my grievance as a Chinese to my new fellow Malay friends in my belief that ideas and change are like ripples of water. The day when we start living in Malaysia from each other's shoes, there can be no where else closer to heaven on earth than Malaysia.

- I shared with my fellow Malaysians in excitement: the joy of mamaking, the genuinely nice people, the food, the culture, the price, the warmness, the niceness :))

- No, I can't potentially exhaust this list of thoughts. Just to prove that you don't want to know about what's going on in my mind...

Thoughts: Are feelings grounded rationally?

Is there morality? Is there justice? Is there right and wrong? Is there values?

Are all these socially constructed ideas or part of innate human nature? If they are not socially constructed ideas, why are they relative?

For now, my view -- perhaps there are no such things as justice, morality, and values beyond the fact that they are just socially invented concepts. Nevertheless, they are vehement to the society.

[Even if I know that I was injected the idea - of filial piety - to love my mom, I still love my mom just because :) ]

Haha, i shall persevere to be an self-knowing but adamant irrationalist, because I'm no robot; I am an ENFP :P

See, I told you. Blogging about my thoughts is a bad idea because my thoughts are like a spider web (nothing in the world doesn't intrigue me) and the things I think about is boring. I'm boring :P

Schooling & education.

2010-07-19T02:37:00.006+08:00

My new friend from China wrote me something really cute in the email today. :)
Even if he was never bestowed an opportunity to finish his secondary school education, he was capable of articulating much more substance and knowledge in his writings than many of us who were much more fortunate are capable of. So thou shall believe to never let schooling interfere with your education.
Besides that, I had so many thoughts which I haven't been penning down for the past few months.
I shall write when I've reconciled my thoughts again, before those thoughts pass me by. :)

The World & Burma.

2010-04-16T15:59:00.013+08:00

I can't help it!
I'm studying for AP World History now, I can't resist the urge to want to go out there, and travel the world and places which I am reading about.

Hmm, on a deeper and gloomier note, here's also a video about the Burma's military junta which I've stumbled upon quite some time ago.

I felt terribly saddened that this is happening in the 21st Century; and I felt for the lives of these minorities who have no security, no home to belong to, no food, and ‘a life full of suffering’ as one of the villager said.

I hope we could all open up our eyes, mind, and heart, and attune them to what's happening around the world around us. (Burma really isn't that far away, is it?)
And, new wars are waged.

I digged this up while applying for the United Nations World Food Programme (through AIESEC).

I had to answer the question:

Question 6*

What has caught your attention in the news lately and why?

Ps: I think that at this point of my life, the whole US application mania has really urged me into rediscovering myself, into reflecting upon past accomplishments and inspirations in life and into propelling myself from there onwards.

I'm getting too idealistic and ambitious. haha. (Wait til you hear what I want to do; Let's hope that its for my own good. My parents would definitely digress on this ;P They want me to be simple. :P)

Luckily these guys are here to join me.

Inspire.

2010-03-23T23:35:00.013+08:00

I was in Peace Project in Poland when I first saw this video. Being the ENFP that I am, I teared :) The Opening week, packed full with inspirational training workshops from Amnesty and Rotary, was amongst many moments in Peace that has deeply inspired me.
I certainly came out becoming a much more idealistic person.

Next, I'll attempt to list down ways we can help as a student:

1) UN Volunteers online.

An Aphorism :)

2010-03-23T14:22:00.007+08:00

There is no one I do not love, there is no one I do not trust, and there is no one I do not forgive.

- M. Cheng Yen -

This quote radiates so much love and compassion.
It inspires me to add this to my ideals on how I would treat others in life.

What Matters?

2010-03-23T10:53:00.015+08:00

Many too often, we are clouded by so many things to do, so many errands to attend to, so many problems to solve in our daily life. We got so busy that we forgot the most important things in life and to ask ourselves, 'What really do matter?"

All problems may seem magnificent at that moment, but when you take a step back, look back at it from a larger view, you know that its not that big of a problem after all.

Here's a book that I have uploaded. Have a read about important problems plaguing our world. I realized there's so much problems and suffering in the world. And, who are we to complain?

There's also a page on "What one person (you) can do to help change the world" in the end :)

- Let it load with patience -

What Matters

I have a dream..

2010-03-20T02:56:00.010+08:00

I was at Project Malaysia reading up articles of matters concerning Malaysia.
Too much can be said about Malaysia. Ongoing corruption, 'divide & rule' apartheid like governance, the judiciary, the whole failing education system, human rights issue, ethnic relations, social welfare, unfair economic opportunities, and more inadequacies.

Although I was a trainee journalist with International Centre for Journalists, I beg to digress from yet writing another report. I felt that too much talking has already been done. Talking and acknowledging problems helps much less than taking real actions.

This was why I initiated the Project Exchange for Change Malaysia as a realistic step that I could take to address the root of revolving national issues and problems.

ExchangeforChangeMalaysia.blogspot.com

I dare say I was alone in my effort in organizing the whole project but, in the end, I achieved my goal. I did not know where my effort will take me. Along the way, I knew that I have gathered at least 340 Malaysian youths in my group and have passed the message of real actions we can take in hoping for change to 2000 Malaysian youths.

The point I am trying to make is that one person, can make a difference, if you want to.

Education can change a nation.

Recently, I have also been pondering upon my idea of establishing a liberal arts college in Malaysia.
I felt that this was one of the most contributory action I could take in my life to actually change Malaysia.
I'll continue this post some other time :)

I found a secret to happiness.

2009-12-24T20:06:00.003+08:00

It's my blog! hahahaha..

I found out that I can make myself smile again :)

Perhaps I just forgotten about *the secret*:

Secret no.1: Singing "I'm Yours" to myself when I'm feeling down in Poland. I'm Yours is my absolute all time fav. :)
Secret no.2: Practice loving-kindness. Like, wishing the stranger who just cursed me for stopping my feet to look around in Prague to be well and happy *with a smiley*. This works like a charm, try it ;) doing it, you really couldn't help to not feel angry at all.

Haha, I'm such a retard.

But at least, I'm a happy retard.

Staying calm and good.

2009-12-09T01:20:00.000+08:00

Few days ago, I went for a meditation retreat for 2 days.

I returned with a refreshed mind, feeling such calmness and peacefulness that I could never have imagined. There's also this tint of silent joy in my heart. :)

I observed how relentless my mind truly was as every thoughts came and pass by the seconds.
Most of the time, worrisome thoughts kept coming to me; most of it are because of unfulfilled task.

So, I went home promising myself to fulfill every promises I made.

I prepared dinner for my family so they could enjoy it after returning from their trip.
Even if it had taken me almost 2 days, just grinding the fried grated coconut using pestle and mortar into paste, hunting down ingredients -for rendang, 3 dishes, homemade soy milk- then cooking and washing it all up, I felt very happy doing it all. :)
(And I cooked good rendang! Yummy black peppered mushroom in oyster sauce and broccoli with prawns, haha yummy!)

I'll be waking up to meditation daily from today onwards ;)

What's the intrigue - to read books and watch documentaries - all about?

2009-11-01T03:18:00.000+08:00

I suddenly felt the urge and intrigue to read more.

A habit that I never had; perhaps, its because of the way I was brought up.

Well, my parents have never really went against or encouraged anything, that of which includes my studies and my leisure activities.

1) During my 10 years of schooling, my mom came once or twice for the report card. My dad - none. (or once?)
2) Whenever I'm found studying for exams, my dad would ask me to go to sleep instead. He often says, "If tomorrow's exam is a battlefield, you should preserve your 'bullets' for tomorrow instead of wasting it off now, now go to sleep!"
3) "Studies are not everything in life..." He went on with his life philosophies, examples etc.
4) "You can go anywhere or come back anytime you want, just give us a call." I never had curfews.
5) I used to see my parents twice a week.

They are busy with their works, I well understand that. So, instead of drilling over their scarce attention, I turned to the positive side of things. I used the freedom and trust they bestowed upon me wisely. :)
Haha I certainly hope I was a good role model/sister x)

Back to the books, actually I have never fully read a single book beyond the "interesting" textbooks in schools. I wonder how'd I learned how to write? Well, for that fact, I conclude that I must be naturally talented! Hahahaha! ;D

Anyway, I have a knack for watching documentaries and reading what I deem as essential to the understanding of humanity of late. I like understanding things and the world around me.

Oh I also want to learn languages like Tamil (to understand Indian's culture) and Arab (to understand the Koran). I felt like languages are the keys to understanding people.

So many things to do, so much knowledge, so little hours!

As for now, I have to sleep and prepare for Malaysiakini's assignment tomorrow. I'll be producing a short documentary about Malaysia's Judiciary. Haha lets hope I do good. :)
Oh btw, today we did some reporting in front of the camera, I did it in one take ;)

List of books on my watchlist:
http://www.newsweek.com/id/204300
http://meteorplum.blogspot.com/2009/02/100-most-important-books-to-read-before.html
http://artofmanliness.com/2008/05/14/100-must-read-books-the-essential-mans-library/

For the change I believe in.

2009-10-28T02:43:00.001+08:00

What change do u hope to see in Malaysia?

We all have a say,SPEAK UP & be heard.

Join the wave of CHANGE. http://bit.ly/3ktz80

Love.

2009-10-19T03:38:00.000+08:00

I love my daddy, mommy, anna, hong joo, hong seh and ah ma :)
Thank you for your care & everything in between, so I have what I have.

Haha just thought of saying this when I felt so. I'm sorry I'm such a strong character, supposedly expressive yet shy in these lurveylurvey stuff.
gah,such useless dumdum! *frowns*

Oh well, I'm hitting the sack with my comfy blanket on. Lala!

My essay - a draft.

2009-10-10T17:02:00.000+08:00

Please feel free to comment, on my mistakes and what could be improve on. :) I'd appreciate it greatly!

When the 22 of us sat in a circle, I saw the world¹ smiling at me.

What began as a need for self-discovery and an urge to change the world for the better got me travelling alone 5652 miles to Poland. There, with 22 other volunteers representing countries from all over the world, I worked in development internship called “Peace Project”. And together we spread peace, taught about cross-cultural understanding, overcoming prejudices and intolerance, one high school at a time, in Poland. It was a project that made some headlines in the monoethnic and monoreligion country’s newspaper.

"When I grow up, I want to be a suicidal bomber, I will make sure every part of my body and every drop of my blood will shatter through the land called United States of America!" with her fist raised up high, the 4 feet tall Palestinian girl cried and said fiercely. “Bravo, bravo and bravo!” her teacher applauded with the rest of the class. These were footages from a documentary I saw on Islamic terrorism. I was shocked to the very inside to find out that beyond my world where Muslims were the most polite people I knew, reciting poetry of jihad and attending suicidal bomber’s induction camp was a common ideology in Palestine. But I knew that for who they’ve become, they the terrorists are not the ones to be blame.

“How could this be happening in the world?” I questioned while staring out of the train’s window leaving Zakopane, observing sights so foreign to me. The wooden houses built without nails between the uneven terrains of the mighty Tatra Mountains 4000ft above sea level. I stared at its mountain top where I was stuck when a storm hit with wind and snow so strong, I could barely open my eyes or move a step forward. My mind traveled on like a speed up movie across lands, desserts, rainforests, seas, faces of people and came to a halt when I saw the perfection of the world. The perfect distance from the sun, created the perfect circulation of air, water, ocean current and wind that created climates giving rise to cultures, individuals, economics and politics. These colossal interactions of chemistry between elements, biology in human body, and physics of matter were flawless. It is the greatest gift to all human. Despite that, in the magnanimous and wondrous earth, human often see only their selves which is why injustice and war happens.

When I was awarded the Distinguished Diplomat for representing Israel in the Security Council, I realized how much I have changed, coming from a country that forbids me from entering Israel and taught me 2 pages on World History. Now I understand and see from the eyes of an Israeli Jewish soldier who one-third of his people was obliterated through decades of mass extermination, he defended their right to exist and a safe place in the world they could call home. And from the eyes of a Palestinian girl, who her father was shot dead mistaken as a terrorist by the Israeli soldier and growing up with an ideology indoctrinated in her schoolbooks, sermons of religious teachers and leaders, she gave up her life to be a Shahid² for her father, religion and country.

“Who’s wrong and who’s right? When will this come to an end?” I may not know the answers to that, but what I do know is that hatred will not cease by hatred, but only through love. I could now feel how it is like to be in the shoes of a Polish, of an Argentinean, of an Armenian, of an Italian, of a Japanese, of a Pakistani, of a Peruvian and of a Georgian, of a Somalian and a Sudanese. Some has comfort, some barely has enough to eat or a government; but everyone has a story of their own.

I too have a story of my own. I was typical of many Chinese in Malaysia in the past. I used to condemn the corrupted government who exploited racial sentiments for power. Through its five decades reign, there were little voices of opposition. People were silenced through the Internal Security Act, Sedition Act and Official Secret Act which threatens to send those voicing out to Kem Kamunting³. Media freedom was oppressed by another 38 laws. Without check and balance, inequality and abuse of power infiltrated police forces, business sector, education, health care, even, the Federal Courts of Malaysia. A former ruling party leader called us “squatters” of the country despite being natives for generations. Many abandoned the country because they felt that the country has abandoned them.

“A spoon of salt in a glass of water makes the water undrinkable. A spoon of salt in a lake is almost unnoticed.” Now, I have awakened to the enormity and possibilities of the world. Having acquired a larger understanding of the world, my mind and heart opened up and liberated. I learned to appreciate what I took for granted and I took a new view on problems I once thought was be all and end all. I also learned to challenge status quo.

Malaysia, the country that had sheltered my grandfather who escaped from China from being sent to the war with Japan and protected my grandmother who escaped the hands of Japanese soldiers in Thailand. Here, they met, started a business and a family, making me possible today. I grew up watching Chinese fiction “WuXia” dramas because I was from a Chinese medium primary school. I gradually accepted Islamic Nasyid group, Arabic dramas and watched Bollywood couples dance having studied in a Malay medium national high school. Then, I watched pop music on Channel V while studying in an English medium college. I was invited to the traditional weddings of Malay, Chinese and Indians, to their “Open house” when festivities were celebrated with authentic savory delicacies. I prayed in Taoist ceremonies, attended church’s worships, paid homage to the Sanghas, wore tudung in mosque and watched possession of a Hindu god. Immersing in the wonders, colors and beauty of cultures were the most captivating experience I had.

To the metropolis where World’s tallest twin tower resides, to a picnic by the cooling waterfalls in the oldest rainforest in the world where aboriginals still stay by, to the crystal clear emerald beaches of golden sand or just sitting by the misty highland overlooking greenery and landscapes, was all but a drive away. A stroll in the Ramadhan Bazaar got me a meal of dinner for free, its people are wonderful. Anytime of the day, I could relax and enjoy a drink outdoor with my friends in “Mamak” available by the roads, in T-Shirt, jeans and flowery flip flops, while cheap food of assorted culture choice is served. I have little worries of natural disaster. Why haven’t I realized that? I live in a tropical paradise!

If I was a flower, my country would be the garden that has nurtured me with its soil and water; Thus, I shall bloom forth, making it a more beautiful place. I accepted that like the flowers, I am impermanent. So, why not be the change I want to see in Malaysia? “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing” Edmund Burke said. Be not the chess pieces used for ill will, be a chess player of good will. I will be a politician of the change I want to see in Malaysia and I will cease suffering in the world the best I can. I believe I can. Because when I believe, teaching 3600 students about cultural understanding and Peace was possible. And when the 22 of us believe, touching the lives of 25000 students was possible.

As I said that, I smiled, while they applauded for me. I knew who I am and what lies ahead of me.

1. The world: Dasha,Russia; Zeeshan,Pakistan; Anna,Italy; Manami,Japan; Denise,Luana,Brazil; Bang,Vietnam; Federico,Argentina; Feng Ying, Singapore; Leih,Philipines; Eymi,Melissa,Peru; Luis,Claudia,Mexico; Ace, Jia Ping,China; Felipe,Columbia; Ady,Minki,India; Romik,Iran/Armenia; Tamara,Georgia; Vienna,Malaysia.

2. Shahid: Martyr

3. Kem Kamunting: A detention camp similar to Guantanamo Bay

The About Me.

2009-10-04T23:39:00.003+08:00

I like the colour white because of its purity.
I like the colour peach pink because it is adoring.
I like the colour purple because of its elegance.
I like the colour champagne because it is beautiful.

The delicate fold of the petals. :)
I like flowers because they are naturally beautiful.
I thought they are the most beautiful thing on earth.
They just tickle my heart and put smiles on my face :)

I don't fancy diamond rings, I would rather want a flower ring.

I like soft chiffon dress that flows with the wind.
I like minimal flower prints vintage dress. I like beach and sundress.

I dream of a house on a green field and a horse for me to ride to the waterfall and beach nearby, and spend some quiet and peaceful time during the later stage of my life.

I like it to be simple white decorated with a little wood and flowers, and powered by nature.

I like a slow dance. :)

I want to travel to Bhutan, India, Africa, North Korea, Tibet, Palestine, Israel, Himalayans, Egypt, and the Middle East.

I eat a lot in a buffet but I'm pretty health conscious at home.

I don't use facial foams, I use only water.
I have no facial care but the aloe vera in my backyards.

I am thinking of starting an organic shop or website as a business because I detest the commercialism of things that has no apparent value except loaded with unknown chemicals.
I want to contribute to the health and well-being of others.

The psychologist's Myers-Briggs Indicator Test calls me an ENFP.
The Chinese BaZi says Yang Water.
The Western Astrology says a Sunsign of Leo and a Moonsign of Virgo.
The Dermatoglyphics says a mixture of composites,whorls and loops.
The African Astrology says a Judge while I chose a ruler when I was a year old.

What they seem to have in common is that I could see the both side of things, willful and have a zest for life.

My parents and my friends says I should act my age.
But some meant I'm childlike, and some meant I should stop thinking too ahead of people my age.

But whatever it is, I know well who I am.
I enjoy a balance of everything.

Like the water, as cold as ice or as hot as steam.
Like the water, as deep as the ocean floor or as shallow as a puddle of water.
Like the water, as calm as lake water or as rough as the ocean waves.

Depending on where you'd meet me, I could be most the most serious person while heading a meeting or giving speeches in a Model of United Nation. (Well, it had to take something to be awarded distinguished delegate isn't it? ;) )

I'm serious when I'm emceeing.

for Miss Tourism Selangor Malaysia 2009 Beauty Pageant Competition at Sheraton.

I strive to challenge myself to be better constantly.

And, I'm serious when I'm cooking too.

At other times I could be the most retarded person you'll ever meet.

Sis said that she cannot live without Lee Hom....

I thought her love wasn't intense enough... so I taught her that, when you love somebody, you should do this...

I also told her to choose me instead of Lee Hom because I could play the guitar much better than him.

Owh, and this is a video where we rolled down the hill somewhere while climbing the mountain. And I was very hyper after surviving it.

At this point, I just wondered, why am I disgracing myself by showing all these?

But oh well, at least I still have this. :)

Because there were two trolley full of us,

And because we only see daddy mommy 2 days a week, I was the 'daddy & mommy' at home, I took control ;)
I lead and mommy called me the "big mastermind" because I'm behind everything at home.

I'm so powerful that my dad hands me the menu to order food in the restaurant.

And I play the median when my dad and mom fights, when my dad and brother almost broke off their relationship, when my sis and bro did not like each other, I make them hug each other and happily ever after again. :))))

Who else who wants to fight, shall go through me first. Rrr. hahaha :D

I'm very independent, and when I want to do something, I do it.

I could drive alone to a place I don't know to attend a political forum among people twice my age and raise questions.

Then again, I could also be found trying to fit the slides in the playground. :D

I could be mentoring my brother on serious issues, then play tickling with my sister the next moment.

I dance ballet, played piano and violin, learned martial arts and kicked futsal.

I am pretty adventurous because I believe we should try everything at least once in life.
That's also why I never had a boring day in my life.

I probably have a hedonist public self and an idealistic private self. I must do the best I can for everything is part of my high idealism.

When I'm with myself, I occupy myself with thoughts and I try to meditate once in awhile to make sure I have a clear mind and I'm doing the right thing.

This is what I live my life for:

1) To cease cries of suffering from torture, from hunger, from injustice and everything else. To help everyone I can in this world starting from my family.

2) To travel and experience all there is in the world.

3) To be a person of values and virtues. To be capable and knowledgeable in all field.

4) During the last moment of my life, to be able to smile to the people around me, saying "It's ok, I have no regrets in my life already." :)

What I'm up to.

2009-09-22T23:12:00.000+08:00

Erutanor says:
*yo
vien. ت (R) says:
*hey hey
Erutanor says:
*hiya
*busy busy?
vien. ت (R) says:
*is there anything in particular?
Erutanor says:
*yea
*is called
vien. ت (R) says:
*cause im gonna get back to my books
Erutanor says:
*catching up
*haha

In case you'd like to play *Catch Up* with me too, here I'm telling you where I'm running to.
(Lookie, my poetry skills!)

I'm currently studying for ACT (US university entrance test) and preparing necessary documents for admission next Fall intake (September 2010).

Now, if you're thinking of asking which University?
V: Depends. I found a few schools that I fancy, but I'm still on the look out.

Owh.. and what degree?
V: I'm thinking of liberal arts college. I'm interested in International relations, Political science, Philosophy, Journalism, Education, History, Humanities and Social Sciences. The magic of US is that I may be able to Major and minor in all those and satisfy my curiosity (for knowledge;) ).
Cool leh.

I'll keep writing if I have gotten myself some time to, regarding how I arrived at such decision.

Toodles!

Vien.

The Jewish New Year.

2009-09-22T15:05:00.000+08:00

Ok Vieen !
Here's the mail.
Sry for the delay :)

So, you know I ain't religious..at least not to much. So I'll do my best to explain how it works :P

Jewish have a different date to celebrate the new year. The "new year" we are used to is the Christian new year, in where the birth of jesus christ is celebrated. However, tradition and globalization spread the holiday across the world, to the point that there is a new meaning in the new year celebration, which of course you know. Party, celebrate the new year to come, spend time with family , and of course, the capitalist side of shopping and buying presents !!!!

We just entered the year 5770 !!! That's because the jews count the years much before the Christian do ! So, as every new year celebration , regardless the culture (I'm sure), people get together and celebrate too !.
But there is something special about the jewish new year.

The holiday, which is called "Rosh Hashana" (Head of the Year), reveals an important meaning. Besides thinking in the things to come , you should think about what you did the last year. It's a time for reflection and reconciliation that lasts for 9 - 10 days. You ought to think about your mistakes and how would you fix them.

How many times we realize that we screwed up but we don't have time to think about solutions ? We have complicated - fast paced lives. University, work, etc. Sometimes it's hard to find the physical space to think about all these stuff. It's about becoming a better - selfless - person. So, the Tora, the jewish sacred book (bible) gave us a physical time so we don't have excuses !! Great isn't it ?

9 days after Rosh Hashana, or the new year, there is another holiday that comes as the conclusion of this space of reflection. It's called Yon Kippur (Day of Atonement). This is the most important holiday for the Jewish people. In this day, you conclude (or double your efforts!) the reflection and repentance. The religious people do intensive prayer in the synagogue (the jewish church) the whole day (not me !). Also, people won't eat or drink anything for the whole day. Why ? It's hard I know...take my word for it hehe ! (that I do). The point of not eating or drinking is to help you put in the place of those who do not have the comforts you do. If you feel hungry and thirsty, you'll understand what it feels to be underprivileged, helping you to become more selfless. You should also take aside all goods, comforts or things that can distract you. (that I find really hard!!!)

So, that's the meaning of the Jewish New Year. A space to think about things to come while reflection upon the past.
It's not that you cannot do this every time of the year ! It's only a biblical measurement to ensure that everyone will go trough this process :)

Hope I satisfied your intrigue ! If not, just ask me again, and again.
Looking forward in hearing how things works in Malasya !

Yours.
Fede.

I was intrigued by the Rosh Hashana and Day of Atonement to put yourself in the shoes of the underprivileged in the world, thereby feeling contented by what we have. :)

Muslim has Puasa in place for it but Chinese, hmm.."no such thing"; notorious eating habits, plenty. Seems like we love every parts of anything under the sun?
Haha, it's a little sickening thinking about it.

Oh btw, I tried the fried tarantulas in Vietnam :)
And I got sick for the rest of the trip :(

Now, I really think that we should start a "Not Eating Day" for Chinese, it's an esteemed value missing. What do ya think? ;)

The secret to happiness.

2009-09-21T17:13:00.000+08:00

“Let yourself be open and life will be easier. A spoon of salt in a glass of water makes the water undrinkable. A spoon of salt in a lake is almost unnoticed.”
-Buddha

:)

I'm sorry.

2009-09-20T22:22:00.000+08:00

I am sorry, if it was hard to get me for the past few months.
It really doesn't mean that you're unimportant, or that I've forgotten about you.

Especially, the ones awaiting in the "150 friend requests" list of mine.
Especially, my hosts in Poland, the students email :), the Peacemakers, the SGH's Committee and the teachers.
And especially, everyone who cared about me. ت

I wanted to distance myself from others, because I felt imperfect.
Just like, if you had a scar on your face, you don't feel beautiful and you certainly don't want to go around so everyone would see the imperfect you.
I didn't wanted the beam of light shining on me when I was feeling terrible.

It's just me being selfish to totally lock myself up, after feeling an urgency to settle my future, than 'flying around like a headless bee'.

I felt sorry for the negligent friend that I have been, and to whom which birthday I have missed:
forgive me, please?

I'd do anything for you in return. :)

Being emcee.

2009-09-12T01:01:00.001+08:00

Miss Selangor Tourism Malaysia Queen of The Year 2009 - “Beauty for Education” in Sheraton Hotel Subang Jaya.

In case you'd like to know the pretty girls who won : The Star, NST, I know, you want more girls ;) and more!

SJBA’s 20th Anniversary Charity Gala Dinner

Poland.

2009-08-26T03:43:00.000+08:00

To reflect upon

2009-08-14T23:57:00.002+08:00

In life, if you could choose to care of the very few essential things, what really does matter for you?

www.whatmattersonline.com

Buddhism.

2009-08-09T14:53:00.001+08:00

Owh, how have I distanced from your teachings of late.

Before writing this post, I was feeling reckless of myself and my life.

I lost the 'everything's at peace' feeling, with myself, those around me and my life.
And now I seem to have found 'it' back again. :)

It was you who've taught me about loving kindness, about mindfulness, and gotten me peace and happiness.

:)

You opened up my heart and mind.
I never had to harm others in fulfilling myself again.

Your teachings stayed in my heart, because it gave a whole universe of meaningless pursuits and happenings, a meaning, so that, they made sense now.

I finally understood.
And,
I smiled.

I see a bottom so deep to your sea of wisdom.
Though there are many more that I don't know than know, but slowly, I'll learn more that I don't know of each day.

I seek to purify my actions, my speech, and my mind.

And I seek to follow the little voices in my heart.

I'll begin this journey,
albeit not a mindless, reckless or heartless journey.
In my pursuits of experience, knowledge, wisdom and liberation.
It'll be of a meaning, to me and those around me.

Thank, you.

I'll not forget my roots and what I've learned.
And so, the journey shall begin...

May us all be well and happy always.

:)

By,
Vien.

The promise.

2009-08-09T00:28:00.001+08:00

Sometimes it's difficult for me to explain myself to others and why I do certain things.
Most of the time I just give up explaining that moment, and promised myself that I'll express my rationale in my blog one fine day. Then, they would understand.

I do that all the time. But when things go against my way, I blame others of not knowing me. But to be fair, 'How could anyone understand you when you gave up speaking about it yourself?'. The main culprit for my problems: me.

Sometimes I felt that since it's hard understanding me because I have pretty distinctive and unaccustomed way of contemplations, thoughts, beliefs and values, I'll save the hassle.

However, I told myself, never again! This time I'll fulfill the promise I made to myself.
:)

Voices in my heart.

2009-07-30T22:26:00.002+08:00

The me this moment, laughed out loud at the me in the moment before this.

It's pretty funny how the one who used to say "Don't worry,Be happy!" became the one who cried over little things.

These few months after I graduated from A levels, I stayed at home much more and became much more grounded than sky high like before.

It was as if like I was riding on a roller coaster of emotions.

Perhaps I was flying too sky high before, that I missed out and failed to see the little things.
And perhaps the reason why I crashed so badly this time, was because since the very beginning, I was wounded. This time, the wounds became fatal.

A famous business man once said "Without a successful family, there wouldn't be a successful business."

I tweak it to mean, without a wholesome family, there wouldn't be a wholesome you.

Through these few months, as I stayed at home much more than before, I realized there were holes all over. These holes though unseen, were much more, devastating.

So I made a conscious decision to start fixing the holes, one by one.

I was successful at some, being the middle person between my mom and my dad. Communicating with my mom on behalf of my dad, communicating with my dad on behalf of my mom in order to forge understanding between them both. I proceeded doing the same for between my parents and my siblings. Between my brother and my sister. Talking and trying my best to understand my bro, my dad, my mom, my sis, my lil brother, my grandma and even my maid.

While I listened to my maid at home, she had her own story to tell about hard-times she's going through.

While I listened to my grandma problems, I grieve upon life.

I imagined being in her shoes, feeling painful all around your body, swallowing more than 20 pills a day, lying on the bed alone, day and night. Just imagining that 20 pills made me shed tears from my heart questioning why is there so much suffering in this world? Why must a person be put to go through suffering? Can't everyone just live with all their needs fulfilled? Why must we live through this life knowing there is suffering, we'll never get everything we want and it's going to end anyway? Why are there people crying? Why can't we all be let to be happy?

I listened to my mom, she... has endless laments of her sufferings... from us to daddy, to grandma, to the relatives, to the company's business, the customers, to her daily task that she had to take care....

Again, I asked why.

And after trying to help everyone, I was bogged down by all their problems, I began to understand too much to make myself happy again.
I lost the thought that the world can be just as good as to which side I choose to look at things.
I lost my smile.

Since young, seeing my parents twice a week, also being the eldest in the family, I learned to become very independent.

Because I have 3 siblings under me, in order to establish that 'listen to me' status, I also learned to become very bossy.

It wasn't until I realized how I was treating friends better and had much more patience towards them than my lil bro and sis, I realized I was a bad sister.

While friends may leave you simply because you were an unworthy friend;

The reason why we aren't afraid to raise our voice with our dad, mom, grandma & siblings alike, is because we know deep inside, no matter what happened, our dad will always be our dad, mommy will always be the mommy who loves you since the day you were born, grandma & siblings altogether, good or bad times, we can run back to them for shelter.
Even when the sky falls down on you, they will always be there.
And this relationship never changes till the day we die.

Of course, I'm speaking through the lucky eyes who have a family to run to in times of troubles, a family that love and care for me, unlike many unfortunate ones.

I remember there was this particular full moon night, when I was chatting with my dad, while I listened to what he has to say to me, I looked at the bright rounded moon beside him, and felt how noble parents were.

Just because we're their children, they must shelter us with love and care from day one,
And work Monday,Tuesday,Wednesday,Thursday,Friday,Saturday endlessly to ensure we get enough to eat, we get enough to wear, we get enough pocket money, we get good enough house to stay in, we get enough money to go out with friends, we get good enough computers, we get enough money for college...

Realize how many "We get" there could be?
But yet how many "We give" we did in the past?

It's not like we have did anything much for them,
yet they have did everything for us.
Funny thing is that, even after everything they did, and nothing much we did, they are still the one to tolerate us. haha.

Let's not be so demanding so very often.

Because remember they are still human with emotions, they will feel tired and frustrated at times.
Forgive them even if they did some little wrong things that made us sad.
Because, you know they never ever mean to hurt you.

We could have never been alive today, without them.

Give them a *pat in their backs* for who you've became today, it wasn't easy.
And for what they've did day after day these years, it also wasn't easy :)

Love ya, daddy mommy.

Your daughter,
Vien. :)

(Hmm, haha silly me, what was I thinking awhile ago, I had a bad life? No way. I was such a complain mustard.
I felt better now. Yup, conclusion, there's still love in the world, to make all the wrong things feels Right again :) )